Said the mind to the heart

Said the heart to the mind

’ The important kind of art

Is the art of being kind’’

- Lemm Sisay

I’d been wondering what retreat-relevant topic I’d scribble about in my blog earlier this week. Well, the topic came to me quickly enough on Monday - day one of my yoga retreat (first time running one - yikes!) It’ll be an observation on kindness. I said I’d write you a love letter from India, but instead, I’m making this a thank-you letter to those who observe this attribute so well.

Kindness? BORING subject, you say. But my personal experience on Monday was so touching it made me sob when I finally went to bed in my hotel room that night and let go of the day’s stress. Restless and tearful in the dark, I was compelled to switch the light back on, open my laptop around midnight and start writing.

Stresspot

I was stressed all day, as I knew I would be. I choose to subject stress on myself, of course, trying to organise things and make everyone happy - a lifelong affliction which I’m afraid I can’t easily shake, but I am improving on it! Reminder-to-self: if you’re a pathological people pleaser, maybe running a retreat shouldn’t be your Dharma.

Okay, so I’m not complaining - here I am in India, getting to teach a subject I love, meeting friends old and new. But helping to make beautiful memories for my wonderful students who put their trust in me on this trip was my absolute priority, as was providing a seamless holiday experience and great yoga.

On arrival day, it felt like it was going down the toilet because of multiple issues with the retreat centre. I started to regret taking a punt on something less than perfect. Not a terrible place (first-world problems and all), but just… a few unforeseen problems and unmet expectations.

Surrounded by Kindness

The kindness actually started early at the weekend. Alice, one of my best friends from home, sent me the sweetest ever message to say good luck and checked in on me after the first day. She must have known I’d be nervous, even though I tried my hardest to give the impression I wouldn’t be. She is one of the few people who can see through my “No, I’m not nervous; I’m excited!” and still indulges me.

And Charlotte (without question, my number one fan and greatest champion who makes me feel like I can do anything - what have I done to deserve this woman?) arrived early for the retreat. Since arriving, she reassured me often not to worry and sent me a message saying, ‘You deserve this break more than anyone.’ It made me internally weep with gratitude. She is one of the few people who sees how much and why I care, and doesn’t ever belittle that with an “it’s just yoga, for God’s sake!” - I’ve had plenty of that before in response to my stress-potting.

Quietly Kind

When people talk of kindness, I’ve always seen it expressed in ways that might mean listening sympathetically, saving the last cookie or leaving a generous tip. I suppose any acts of kindness are never a waste, but they can be obvious and sometimes overtly announced. To me, this really is rather boring.

In my observation, kindness revealed itself more beautifully that day. Throughout the deteriorating first hours, many retreat attendees decided not to make a big deal of the multiplying problems, or at least not to me - not because it hadn’t bothered them, but to save me the additional stress. Through their absence of passive aggression, through their patience and grace, through using their valuable holiday time to offer to help others, through checking in often to see if I was okay and saying this was none of my fault, through asking questions to secretly help, through creating collective positivity and being especially emphatic about the yoga classes… It went on on on on on.

The kindness showed to me this week has been subtle, unveiled and untold - how someone might close a bedroom door softly so as not to disturb your exhausted, sleeping body. I feel like I was a special recipient of kindness and care. So silent but clear, multiple acts of dignified kindness reached my heart in a way no lip service or showy gesture could ever match.

I feel held and embraced by this group even as I, as their teacher, am supposed to be holding them.

Be Kind

I’m hoping none of my students on retreat with me this week will read this and instead be busy enjoying themselves (because if they did, they would probably say I was being ridiculous). They likely wouldn’t even recognise their actions as kindness, either.

In a way, I’m not sure I would change a thing about the experience of my first retreat, even the unforeseen challenges. It reminds me that difficulties and curve balls provide us with the most learning about ourselves and others. Also, these situations lend us unexpected gifts, like the gentle care extended from many kind souls. Nothing feels insurmountable when you are the recipient of this very special kind of art.

“In a world where you can be anything, be kind.”

Let’s practise.