“If heaven had granted me five more years, I could have become a real painter.”

- Katsushika Hokusai (aged 89 before his death)

Turning 80

During a recent visit to my in-laws, we enjoyed a beautiful day perfect for a BBQ. As we sat down for lunch, I marvelled at the colourful vegetables from the garden which graced the table. The wonky carrots and beets, vibrant radishes, gnarled corn on the cob, and impossibly fresh cucumber were all there.

Before lunch, my father-in-law and I walked around his vegetable patch, as we often do. The garden is impressive, with a different variety of crops to admire each season. Every visit offers a new story and a bounty of produce to take home. On this occasion, he shared stories about the soil and how he enriched it. He proudly showed me his large vat of humus, decomposed organic matter full of worms, carefully compressed under a rock.

My father-in-law will be turning 80 next year. This magnificent yet unassuming garden is just one of the many achievements in his long life. It occurred to me then that this garden represents over 50 years of cumulative knowledge, hard work, trial and error, and secrets patiently perfected over time.

Better with Age

Marvelling at the achievements of my elders, I recalled something I read at an exhibition of Hokusai, the renowned Japanese artist famous for the painting, Under a Great Wave. He wrote of himself:

“From the age of 6 I had a mania for drawing the shapes of things. When I was 50 I had published a universe of designs. But all I have done before the age of 70 is not worth bothering with. At 75, I’ll have learned something of the pattern of nature, of animals, of plants, of trees, birds, fish and insects. When I am eighty, you will see real progress. At ninety, I shall have cut my way deeply into the mystery of life itself. At 100, I shall be a marvellous artist. At 110, everything I create; a dot, a line, will jump to life as never before…”

As much as Hokusai’s expectation of himself is impressive and extraordinarily humble, it makes me feel a little sad that he mightn’t have appreciated his talent throughout the years and, at the end of his life, was still yearning for more time, so he could ‘become a real painter’, as he put it.

Never too Late

Perhaps Hokusai’s ‘never-good-enough’ attitude propelled his ultimate excellence. I admire his growth mindset. I wonder if I will also think that anything I ever did before the age of 70 wasn’t worth bothering with - maybe I shall look back and agree with him!

However, in contrast, I also see the ‘never-too-late’ principle in so many other role models who inspire me. For instance, my father-in-law didn’t stop learning after retirement; he picked up the harmonica and now performs with aplomb at a Sunday music club. My own father, also approaching 80, is always trying new hobbies without worrying about his skill level or where it might take him. And then there’s my yoga buddy, who, at 76, holds the strongest and most serene headstand I’ve ever seen and practices more yoga now than she ever did.

In the news, there are incredible examples of people who prove that it’s never too late to start something new. Like the 105-year-old Indian granny who began running at age 103, or Joan MacDonald who, at 70 and facing health issues and lifelong medication, began a determined journey towards fitness and stopped all her drugs for blood pressure, cholesterol, and acid reflux through lifestyle change. Check her out on Insta @trainwithjoan; you have to see her to believe her!

Age is a Number

Regarding ageing, I often hear negative remarks such as “Don’t get old - I wouldn’t recommend it” or “I’m too old for that.” It’s interesting how our age seems to define us, but why should it? I know plenty of 70-year-olds who are more energetic and healthier than some 20-year-old university students. I’ve treated 40-year-olds who have aged prematurely due to stress and poor lifestyle choices. These examples show that age is truly just a number.

We seem to identify so strongly with our age that it dictates how we should act and behave. It’s as if our age tells us whether we should be silly or responsible, naive or wise, strong or weak. But in reality, our age doesn’t necessarily affect our capabilities, but how we feel about it certainly can.

Growing Older

As we grow older, it can be challenging to accept the changes that come, especially in a society that disproportionately idolises youth. It rubs off. I’ve noticed this yearning for past youth in myself and my peers as we settle into middle age. My face is changing faster than ever before, and I find myself occasionally preoccupied with the slow countdown to menopause. My skincare routine has become more diligent (and expensive!), my diet is not as carefree as it used to be, and I may be feeling more tired (or am I?)

Well, life’s hard when you’re young and hard when you’re old, right? And it's hard when you’re waiting to get old. What to do.

Despite the challenges of ageing, I can see the real benefits. We’re more assured and less self-conscious with each passing year, right? If we’re lucky, with age, there’ll be more autonomy, choice, and financial stability. Living longer brings inevitable failures and adversity, from which we learn the most valuable lessons. We’re wiser about which battles to fight, which to let go of, and which friends to keep. And sometimes, we may even feel lucky to be alive, stopping to consider occasionally that we have already surpassed the life expectancy of our ancestors only a century ago.

Ageing Gracefully

I once heard a plastic surgeon say, “I bridge the gap between how old you look and how old you feel”, which I thought was a neat way to explain his job. It begs the question: how old are we really if we are only as old as we feel? I haven’t ruled out the botox and will probably continue spending silly money on face creams. But I’ve come to an aspiration about what it means to age well.

I want to care for my body and brain with the utmost effort to show appreciation for the vessel that will carry me until the end. I want to find self-acceptance and contentment exactly where I am, at whatever age and condition (let’s call it the present moment, shall we?) I’ll try to surrender the things of youth without romanticising the past, neither being preoccupied with regret nor fearing too much the future yet unknown.

All the while, I still find great inspiration in the wonderful examples of people who demonstrate that age does less to limit our potential than we might think; our mindset does more. To me, ageing gracefully looks like someone who is content where they are whilst living life to the full, growing in lightness, poise and equanimity.

Happy Birthday to You

The Autumn/Winter season brings a glut of birthdays to my calendar; hence, I share this recent reflection on ageing. Loved ones have proceeded this year and next to mark all the significant milestones - 40, 50, 60, 70, and 80. It’s always intrigued me why some people celebrate large while others keep their birthdays hush, but it’s been further curious to witness all our differing attitudes about ageing.

Whether one embraces or resists the ageing process, each birthday provides an opportunity to appreciate life, surround oneself with love, and express gratitude. Perhaps it’s also a chance to acknowledge our age with sincerity and recognise the value and potential of where we currently are rather than attaching great importance to a number.

I’ve said life’s tough when you’re young and tough when you’re old; it’s true. However, it can also be amazing at any stage, depending on how we perceive it. Every day could be our birthday. Can you see it? Can you choose to feel and know - that you could be here, right now, at whatever age, in the best vintage of your life?

Let’s practise.