"The most courageous and compassionate thing we can ever do is learn how to be with ourselves."

- Gelong Thubten, from Handbook for Hard Times, a Monk's Guide to Fearless Living

Tea Time

How do you take your tea? I wonder if any of you came across that recent news article about the creation of a new sixty-second brew teabag? Designed to satisfy the need for a perfect cuppa but from a faster infusion.

What do you reckon? Would you be a fan of the rapid brew? Are you a furious dipper? Or a jiggler? Do you press the bag against the side of the mug violently (my habit 95% of the time), or do you let it sit a while and wait for the necessary amount of time, whatever that might be? Perhaps you insist on a teapot every time 🫖

This story made me shake my head slightly in despair. That fifty million pounds would be spent on an innovation to reduce the brew time from four minutes to one seems to epitomise where we've got to in modern society - that we feel the urge to hack a process that arguably needs no tampering.

Shortcuts Don't Exist

I'm firmly in the camp (theoretically, at least) that shortcuts rarely exist. Whenever I attempt to rush through a task or bypass the necessary time, I always have to come back to it later.

I've experienced this several times this week, such as when I hurried an invoice and have yet to resend it. I skim-read an email, misinterpreted the entire gist, had to reread it very slowly, and then mail back an apologetic reply. And a patient returned to me for a second consultation because I hadn't given him enough time to uncover what was really on his mind (the cardinal sin of the GP). I saved myself no time in these instances by trying to shortcut my way through all of them.

Even though shortcuts are generally a bad idea, I still try to win the battle against time whenever possible. It's the metaphorical squeezing of the teabag to death until the leaves spill out, and I have to start all over. It's been proven many times that it's never worth rushing, but I still don't learn. The mind is such a silly, absurd beast.

I think we ought to take note that some things in life do require time. Taking a long bath, reading a story to a child, or savouring a delicious meal - try rushing any of these and see how it feels.

Running Away

...Which brings me to the topic at hand - Restorative yoga, a practice of deliberate resting in time.

I assisted my teacher last weekend at a yoga studio, and seeing how people took to Restorative was fascinating. Some were novices, some old hands at the practice. A young lady caught my attention as I stood quietly at the back of the room. She placed herself supine into the first pose of the workshop, a variation of Savasana with legs up on bolsters.

After three minutes of breathing practice, she began tossing and turning her head, then reached for her mobile phone. She replied to some messages and placed the phone face down but soon picked it up again to check her messages and then Instagram and then some other news feed. I thought perhaps she was bored. This must have happened about eight times in so many minutes. I was intrigued by her restlessness but also understood it.

After another thirty minutes - having managed to stay awhile with no more phone grabbing - she attempted to close her eyes and sit for an intermediary meditation posture. She squirmed and stretched but seemed incapable of sitting still. Soon after, I think she really couldn't take it anymore, and she left. It sounds like I'm judging her inability to stay still, but I relate to her incessant restlessness so very much.

I see much of myself in that young lady. I've come to realise that a lot of what I do results from an inability to be with myself, and acting upon restlessness is a kind of running away from myself. It occurred to me that this was precisely what this young lady was doing and did as she fled the room. I wondered what might have happened if she dared to stay and give it - and herself - time.

Restorative - The Easy Yoga?

Restorative yoga is often considered the "easy" form of yoga, with fewer postures and less physical exertion. However, this is not always the case. The practice, of course, intends to create the conditions for relaxation. But pesky things like impatience, judgment, and rumination can bubble up during stillness, especially when stress, tension and pain lie trapped within. This practice encourages anything and everything to emerge, whether we label it good or bad. In the process, we learn there is no need to resist or run away from whatever surfaces.

For some, like the girl who escaped the class, whatever this process uncovers can be utterly intolerable.

Whether through meditation or restorative yoga (which, in my opinion, feels like a form of covert meditation), time spent with oneself in its purest form can be enjoyable or peaceful at times, and at other times, extremely challenging.

To borrow from Gelong Thubten, learning to be with ourselves can be one of the most courageous and compassionate things you can ever do. And much like meditation, you can't ever do it wrong. All you have to do is arrive, stay... and let yourself brew. For four minutes, or if you please, maybe more.

Permission to Abide

Call it me-time, call it relaxation, call it meditation, call it nervous system health. Whatever you think about spending time with yourself without distraction, the hardest part is committing and permitting yourself to do something that feels like nothing. So hard, that sometimes it helps if someone else gives you permission to stop. I frequently search for that permission myself.

That permission is expressly granted in the framework and safety of a restorative class. Then, a practice of stillness and staying can do much to recalibrate. Once comfortable, you are compassionately invited to resist the temptation to stir the pot, jiggle, dip, push or manipulate the components too much.

Like the teabag left to brew, once it's placed in warm water, we leave it well alone. Gently, like a slow infusion, we watch as there unfolds a distribution and redistribution. A transformation might occur that requires no work at all. This is the essence of Restorative yoga.

Restorative Yoga 6-week series starts on Wednesday evenings from the 18th of October.

If you'd like, please join me in the brewing.

Let's practise.